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maefurriel
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Name: Jo
Birthday: 5/30/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: Being idle and lazy . Fab movies, music and reads . Cakes . Minesweeper, Solitaire and other geeky games =P . Snapping shots of my life . Driving around aimlessly along the roads of Penang . Piggy . Potpourri . Narcissism . Discovering what love is . Going out and Catching up with the People I love . Blogging and reading Blogs . Going places . Presents and Sweet Surprises . Cartoons =D
Expertise: Idling/Procrastinating . Whining . Being pessimistic . Hating . and being a music junkieee ;D
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
MSN: shiningstar_lene2@hotmail.com
Member Since:
12/4/2006
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| My actions exactly...
 I'm happy! I'm feeling glad!I got sunshine in a bag! I'm useless, but not for long! The future is coming on!Rarararar!!!Sing along now!
Christmas has indeed come early for me this time.
I see trees of green, red roses too! I see them bloom for me and you!!
Only 2 weeks in Penang and it makes ALL the difference.
I seriously DO NOT want to leave this little adorable, awesome, breathtaking, unbelievable, complicated, luscious, luxurious, laid-back, loving, wonderful, amazing, kick-ass, *insert more positive adjectives here* island anytime soon. It's just too comfortable and snug.
And compared to the SHIT I experience every single day back in that depressing hell hole, this is ... bliss! I have tears welling up in my eyes as I type this. *hugs everyone* I don't have people stealing the food my mom buys for me now! Terharu! 
So, what was I up to the past 3 weeks?
Seashell collecting session with the Glacius
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Penang Jazz Festival
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Aaand I got my vacation in Langkawiwiwiwiwii!!
Been so busy hanging out and seeing so many orangs! People have been back, including Gracie, Jean, Qia,and Shanx. YK, Edwin, ChrisEK, and Jocelyn have been awesome to hang out with still. Plus, gudb0ii has been keeping yours sincerely very good company. Never a dull moment with them.  Was appreciating their company so much I didn't even bother to take my cam out for snaps most of the time!
I even went for a walk in the botanical gardens and risked being chased by them rogue monkeys! Fresh air, nothing beats fresh clean air from za trees, I say!
Plus, I just got my hands on these:
Do you recall the famous broadway musical? Heh. I found this while loitering in Borders after dinner yesterday. "Omg!" I gushed, grabbed the book and scooted to the counter to trade for it in cash. Woohoo! And:
 Huwwaahh!! Ear Candy!! Double combo! Buy 1 free 1!!! Happyy!!
The Mimi has agreed to get me the instax mini (or the cool one) for Christmas:
Hohoho I'm not done yet! I'm also getting THIS for Christmas:
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| Na'n, na'n atall!
Blessed, I tell ya, I feel so blessed sometimes. I really think that we feel so because we are loved and cared for.
And that love in turn is just some crazy mutated form of gratitude.
So they love you, you feel blessed, you decide that you would love them back because they love you, cause you reeeally don't wanna lose these people, because they love you, and make you feel blessed, so you love them back, in a twisted thankful way.
And so the vicious cycle goes a-cycling! The universe has a very pathetic sense of humour. Now here's a particular irksome question that's been irking me these days:
Should I really switch blog planes again?
Oh come onnn I've worked pretty hard to get the colours and codes functioning, I'm reeeally irked that xanga is giving you readers (or what's left of you) an irksome time.
I feel you I really do. But what can I do?
Blogspot beckons, but tis such a painful act to be finally yielding. 
Bah!  Shall commence the search for an ideal blog. Obligated and obliged. Dillemma.
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| I laugh at the irony of it all...
Hmm...so, before the clock strikes 12, here's noting that I spent almost 24hours hangin' out with gudb0ii as it's the dood's birthday. He's lucky, come to think of it. My birthdays, on the other hand, will not be as eventful as his. Untimely birth? You tell me. I'm doomed. I can picture myself years from now on my birthday sitting alone on a beach in the night crying my lungs out as the oblivious world moves on. This is how it has to be, this is how it will be.
Adapting: 47%
Unless of course, if I manage to warp myself outta here and into the open arms of the lives of others. Loneliness comes with age, I say.
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| When...
life is a maze and love is a riddle
envy gets confused with dislike
blood flows from the scalp maybe just a little
decisions of fight or flight collide
When...
you're just a little bit hung in the middle
you open the door to see islands of cleats
you put up with self-righteous egos
you resolve not to curse that leak
When...
we are here again staring at the end
we question what we made and who we are
we are able to distinct the foes from friends
we steal the green teas from the bar
Then...
find refuge in the confines of long-lived fantasies
discover the lies that are flawlessly woven
drop three tokens for random air hockey
put on that helmet, feel your stomach churn
Then...
decimate all traces of hurt and sorrow
idealize tangerine trees and marmalade skies
detach yourself in the days of tomorrow
relate to Holden of Catcher in the Rye
Then...
drown ourselves in the sea of sheets
hold still and just enjoy the show
realize that ignorance is just what we need
fuck those lousy ho's
[Crossposted]
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| my mind, it really is...
The pace has finally been reluctantly forced to slow down almost to nothing. Premature slowing. There's still bits and pieces of open seams here and there left to be sewn together... but, quoting him, "you've gone past the point and now your mind is saturated and you're fed up" Very very the baddings. All the motivation's there. I should be worried and scared shitless by now. And I should be very worried about the grades for the big plan next sem. It's fairly similar to " The Runner's Wall" or "Writer's Block". I.just.can't.go.on.any.longer. O, someone help me. Take all this load off my weary hands and make them go away. Rejuvenate and refresh my mind. Give me inspiration to carry on this tedious journey. Especially when I'm already approaching the end. Fuck, this is hard.
Here comes the time when I desire for someone compatible and competent to talk to, but none surfaced. I try to refrain myself from getting too personal on a public blog thus I hold back A LOT here. But sometimes, just those lil sometimes, I have to, I really do. Not like I'm going to talk about personal dissatisfaction and letdowns this time, that was just random. mae is not in a favorable mood tonight. Be warned for the lack in subtlety. But then again, who reads but me? *shrugs* Not that it really bothers me, it doesn't. All I'm saying is that I can type out a massive post of words here and not care about the effect of the contents because no one really gives a damn as to whether they should read when they arrive at a body of words. So there, I shouldn't be worried, though I still am - it's hard to get the idea that there just might be someone reading out of your mind. I guess I'm too self-conscious, so to speak. parabreak. Exam week has finally been conquered and beaten down to the ground. I could safely say I did pretty good. Though, this is not curtain call - I still have a media plan and a teaser ad proposal to complete. Both are relatively easy - but I've hit the wall. I couldn't function right now that I've spent more than a week reading and working so hard. You have no idea how hard I've worked and you probably won't believe me, but I've worked so hard, I'm having a permanent headache and once in a while I hear distant clicks going off in parts of my head...quite similar to the clicks you get when you crack your knuckles underwater, only, they're in my head and I wonder who the heck has been cracking a knuckle at a time in different parts of it. It's more of a scare than a pain. It's freaky...imagine yourself staring at your face in the mirror and then some distant crack does off in your head. You'd wonder if your body is indeed keeling to the stress it has undergone. The past week or more has been so much stress, it really felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and I could barely turn to ANYONE for help. Anyway, back to the assignments that are left. They're both due real soon and I couldn't bring myself to care two hoots about them. Not even when I tell myself that my grades will be gravely affected as a consequence. I feel awfully bad about not doing anything about the responsibilities at hand and I'm scared to death about the outcome of it. The guilt is there, but my body is all-out in saying no. I find myself struggling to type out a complete, comprehensible sentence even now. It's as if I'm having a brain meltdown. Typos, grammaticals, cohesion...all out the window. My motor skills have also showed signs of incapability - once in a while I'd let slip the object that I'm holding and not be aware of it, and I find myself jerking sharply when I'm trying to sleep. Are you worried? Cause I am, more now that I'm putting them in words. I imagine myself talking to my silent reflection, and that's the truth. That's what I often do and it's darn embarrassing when I'm caught doing it. There was once when I was walking alone from meeting a lecturer at the faculty and something funny came across my mind, I started talking to myself about it and laughing at the flow of the conversation. Only to realise that a girl who was walking towards me was staring at me as though I was crazy. It was really embarrassing. I wish I could turn around, run to her and tell her that I'm like that, but not insane. But then again she'll probably forget about it in the next 3 minutes or so. See? I'm THIS self-conscious. I'm so self-conscious, I know it shall be my downfall one of these days. Oh gosh it's only 11.06PM and my mind's already shutting down. It has that numbing feeling specially concentrated at my forehead and my neck's sore as hell. I don't really know why I'm doing this - typing all this nonsense here - but I think I'm feeling really beat. Mainly because I hate where I am right now. After all the careful steps taken the past 20 years, it's sad to admit that I'm still nowhere. I hate that I'm doing so much in something so unnoticeable, it really appears like I'm nowhere and a nobody. Wait, I AM a nobody. I'm one of those office people in their myriad of cubicles, working my ass off in hopes of a promotion but it never comes. It just never freaking arrives. I feel so underappreciated and taken for granted, yet I know this is no reason to whine about. Instead, I should be taking *that* route and really proving myself. But then again, the price to pay is too high beyond my limits. This just means that I'd have to take more steps than necessary in order to get *there*. Which sucks, by the way. Poor people just have it real bad. And what sucks more, is worrying if I'm really worth the effort that is put in. I'd definitely kill myself if I ended up flunking till there's no tomorrow *there* (which is highly possible, in all honesty). I've been cutting myself too much slack here and I know campus life isn't that easy elsewhere. It's depressing to know that I'm actually incompetent and deserve what I get. But oh woe of all woes, it's most depressing that this has to go unvoiced because the deceived believe otherwise. Starry-eyed surprise. Sundown to sunrise. Can i die? I'm going to try to work on the assignment one last time and should I fail to execute said plan, I'm going to give in and go to bed and pray for a better day. I haven't got much time, but I believe it best not to force, lest I go crazy for real. Exhales. Bye now.
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